When I was in the midst of raising four children under 5, my nervous system was so broken, my self esteem and self love was sitting somewhere on the deepest and darkest parts of the ocean floor. My brain cells could not even connect in order for me to piece together concepts of how I could step up out of this dark hole. So I survived most days, with a huge sense of anger, but mostly sadness within me, for not waking up grateful for having these beautiful humans around me, and a husband who provided and protected us and a roof over our heads. I woke up feeling like a failure in everything that I did, because there was nothing in my cup, and I had nothing to pour into anyone else’s cup.
Dear Mama, I’m glad you're here.
Motherhood is tough, and it's not easy. It will be rough, it will be a struggle, it will throw you around like you are the actual storm. I am here to remind you that you are also the calm.
I am here to show you how to make your motherhood journey easier, how to genuinely feel supported, how to step up and stand in your worth, as the incredible human being you are already.
Your pride may get in the way of what I’m about to suggest you put into action, but you’re here, and so I already know you want to help you. So let's plant the seeds of possibility if this is as far as you’re willing to go right now.
The following is a list of things that I wish I had come up with at the time, but I was so depleted and so exhausted, that my brain cells weren’t connecting and I could only manage one day at a time. Heck, sometimes I was happy to simply manage one hour at a time! If I could go back, I’d tell myself to do one, or all, of the following:
Get a weekly cleaner
Allow them to reset your home once a week. You may tell yourself they won’t clean it as well as you, or you could use that money elsewhere. Or the best excuse, why pay to clean my house when my kids will just dirty it 5 minutes later.
You get that cleaner, because a clear space, creates a clearer mind. And you deserve a clean space. You deserve the support. You deserve the help. You deserve that break from not doing everything, just because you can do everything. You are worthy and you deserve it.
Online grocery shopping, and retail too
Allow someone to walk that store and pack your groceries and produce. Allow them to deliver it to your door. If your issue is that they may substitute the product for something you don’t like, select ‘do not substitute’ when out of stock. If the product is damaged, or the fruit is bruised, it will only take you two minutes tops to organise a full refund online, in the comfort of your own home. As opposed to the two hours plus that it will take you to load your child/ children in the car, attempt to pack a trolley with the products only you want. Good luck with that. And maybe, depending on your child's energy on any given day, you won’t have to chase them down the aisles, or down opposing aisles because two children run in opposite directions and three, well that’s a whole other scenario. Besides, it’s hard to fit three children in a trolley, along with the food and carry your fourth on your being. And if you do decide to go down that path, then there’s another task to add - book in a massage! It's exhausting, you're exhausted. You could have stayed home instead, but now you also need to load the shopping and your children in the car, and then drive home, most likely with hungry and tired children who are demanding to be fed that crappy happy meal from the drive though you just passed. And then you give in and feed them that fast food junk that has the ability to ignite their adrenaline from 0 to 100 in 0.006 seconds. At this point, you cannot even remember if you’ve even eaten breakfast, because your hunger pains have subsided and you just want to get home.
And if you are using this as a reason to get out of the house, find another reason just for you to have a moment by yourself, outside of the home.
Nourish your body with healthy meals and snacks
Accept and ask for healthy home cooked meals and nutritious snacks. Just make it a prerequisite for people coming over to hold the baby. Just kidding, because the people you let into your space matter, and you’re only allowing yourself to be surrounded by people that love you and have you and your family’s best interests at heart. Don’t ever feel sorry for not welcoming negative energy into your home. Now get onto that list of your favourite foods and text that list to your people. They won't know how to help you if you don't tell them, and the people who love you just want to support you.
Get out into nature, everyday
Ground yourself and release the energy that no longer serves you, back to Mother Earth. She will just compost that heap into magic, and give back fresh energy. Eat your breakfast or any meal outside. If it's the middle of winter, gift yourself an Oodie and some Ugg boots and sit in that fresh air. Walk down the street and back home if that’s all you have energy for at the moment. Meet yourself where you are at today. Take each day as it is.
Listen to uplifting music
Start your day with a happy song, and maybe even sneak in a dance, or two or ten. The movement will wake up your senses and shake away any energy that you don’t need. The music will help to release your emotions and ease your stress levels. Sometimes I listen to particular songs that take me back to a moment and it’s like I am reliving that beautiful experience all over again. And sometimes I hear a song from my younger days and bust out into a dance like no one is watching, except there is almost always someone watching. And then the moment arrives, when it turns into an incredible dance off and you beam with pride because its more than obvious that your children inherited your unyielding passion for dance and wild moves.
Shower your day away every night
At the end of a long day, showering can serve as a refreshing ritual to wash away both physical and emotional stress. The act of cleansing yourself under warm water can be soothing, helping to release the days built-up tension and clear your mind. It's a moment to let go of worries, recharge, and embrace a sense of renewal, preparing you for a restful night and a fresh start for the day ahead. I get it, you’re probably too tired or don’t even comprehend how you will manage to find two minutes to yourself before you’re summoned by a member of your family. Just jump in that shower, please and thank you. And if you really want to love up on yourself, wash your hair too! You will feel amazing, even if for a brief moment, and you get to remember the sensation of feeling good in your body.
The most important piece of unasked advice that I am giving anyway, is value your time and protect your energy. If someone isn’t adding to your happiness, walk away. Decline their company. Respect yourself, love yourself, raise your standards and set those boundaries. It will ruffle many feathers, usually the feathers of individuals who have their own stories to heal through. And they can, but that’s not your story to work through and it’s not your concern. I cannot emphasise how important boundaries are and how they will help you set you up for a healthy mind. And the peace that it will bring to your life and your home space.
I dare say you already have some boundaries in place if you’ve implemented any one of the above steps. Take a moment to feel proud of how far you've come and celebrate yourself. You deserve it.
I truly hope you found this post helpful. Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments and thank you for reading! Stay tuned for more and remember to embrace every moment.
With love,
Christina